Article appeared in the Nov 10 issue of the Interlake Spectator…
John Murdock lives in Fisher River Cree Nation (Koostatak), about three hours north of Winnipeg. He recently sat down with the Spectator to talk about his journey from the years spent in residential schools during his early childhood and teens, and the subsequent healing that took place years later. The 63-year-old now has an honoured place in his community as an Elder, and wants to share his story, that it might give others hope.
Murdock sits on the board of the Fisher River Healing Centre. He is involved with Family Services Community Health Initiative, and sits on the Elders Council with Southern Authority, a part of the Child and Family Services network. That council is comprised of more than a dozen Elders from a number of aboriginal communities, including Peguis, Pine Creek, Rolling River, and Sagkeeng First Nations, to name a few, who are trying to find solutions for children. Murdock also avails himself to anyone who needs to talk, and attends ceremonies and public events, offering traditional prayers and songs.
In his own community of Fisher River, he has seen a resurgence of traditional ways. The community is home to at least four sweat lodges, a place which Murdock says helps strengthen one’s connection with the Creator.
Murdock, like most aboriginal children of his time, was forced to leave his community and family to live within the confines of residential schools in Manitoba. These were hard times, not only because of the isolation from his family and the culture shock, but because the residential school system was rampant with abuse, doled out routinely by the priests and nuns.
Murdock tells his story about life in three residential schools in a DVD recording that was made four years ago with the help of Eeeya-Keen Healing Centre in Winnipeg. The centre was working on a project to help survivors of the residential school system. At the time, they interviewed three Fisher River residents about their memories. Murdock was one of these.
Despite its personal nature, Murdock has chosen to make his personal story public. A master copy is available at the band office in Fisher River, and copies are available to anyone who asks. Murdock also tries to make it available during workshops.
Murdock’s story about his time in the residential school system is an emotional one. He spent 10 years of his life in the schools, from age seven. The years were scarred by harrowing experiences–sexual abuse by authorities, belittling, and communication from his family blocked. Most of the children in the residential schools had the same experiences, Murdock said.
Murdock dropped out of residential school at age 17 in a state of anguish, unable to concentrate any longer. He returned home and got a job as a shore hand packing fish in the summer. In the winter he played a little hockey. Slowly, he started to lean on alcohol in an effort to escape the memories, eventually becoming addicted to it.
As a drinker, said Murdock, “I didn’t care who I was. I didn’t really care about anybody. There was no spiritual connection. With drinking, there is a lot of negativity¬-lying, cheating–that’s what you become.”
Murdock managed to earn a Captain Ticket around 1980 which gave him the qualifications to operate tug boats on Lake Winnipeg He had a long career on boats, working also in Winnipeg, on the River Rouge, and at Split Lake and York Landing operating ferries.
However, the winter months were particularly difficult times when he was without the distractions of work, so he drank a lot.
“For awhile there was suicidal tendencies,” Murdock recounted.
He remained bitter until he began on his long healing journey.
“The Creator communicates to people’s hearts,” he said, “That’s why you’ve got it. You’ve got to listen to that.”
Murdock began listening to that voice with the help of a traditional woman he met in 1980, who was later to become his long-time wife. With her support he attended workshops and learned more and more about himself and the traditional ways. He connected with some traditional Elders and received one-on-one counselling based on traditional teachings. A close personal relationship with an Elder, Walter Bonnaise, developed. For years they maintained the connection and Bonnaise would visit regularly, give teachings, and hold pipe ceremonies.
“That’s what gave me strength to keep on going…Then I started remembering the teachings from my mother, from before I went to residential school.”
“I still drank a bit off and on. Slowly it cut off. The process to quitting totally took 15 years. I also quit smoking. Usually those habits come together.”
Murdock has been an Elder for about five years, a role which has graciously accepted out of a deep desire to help people.
“To become an elder, people choose you. You’re recognized for who you are…I felt fortunate (to be asked), considering what I went through, and what I was at one time.”
Murdock feels that his journey through a pain-filled past, alcohol dependence, and then to a place of healing, can help others who face similar challenges.
“They have to be taught to like themselves. But it’s a long journey because they’ve been on that path for so long.”
“The past is pretty hard to forget, but you can’t let that bother you…I think a person has to make the best of what they’ve got spiritually, mentally, physically, so they can look after their families and communities better.”
“Sometimes there are setbacks–because you break that connection to the Creator…The creator will always give you a path to follow. That’s the way the Creator works,” said Murdock.
Murdock believes that going back to the traditional ways can help residential school survivors to heal.
“I’d like to see them get back to their traditional ways…It will bring them a better understanding about themselves and other community members…I think they need to start as an individual and deal with their own personal life and help each other within their own community,” said Murdock.
On dealing with non-aboriginal communities in light of negative experiences, Murdock offers some words of wisdom:
“We could learn to live together. There’s got to be an understanding on both sides. The bitterness that’s there, you’ve got to deal with that on a personal basis first. You can’t understand other people, other nations, unless you understand yourself. It comes from inside.”
“We are all creations of the Creator. We just have to make the best of it and help each other.”
